Commentary: How to Build Toxic Software Teams
Or maybe don't, and let your ego float away
How to Build Toxic Software Teams
This post struck a nerve with a large number of people. Which is sad. People recognize the behaviors in the post, and commented or emailed me listing other toxic behaviors.
They are, roughly:
Not setting expectations for quality and enforcing them
Playing favorites
Not being available
Encourage the blame game and infighting
One of my core beliefs is that leadership is based on character. The complete inventory of leadership mistakes that I have made can all be mapped to issues of poor character - I thought myself too important, held on to something I should have let go of, wasn’t 100% honest with myself or others, avoided something unpleasant out of fear: the list is infinite but filters down to simple words like fear. The inventory of items that create a toxic workplace are a rough list of possible sins, with the ultimate one being that a leader thinks themselves above others. Above the law, better than the team members, serving goals that are outside the team.
This is why the term servant leadership is so powerful, and so hard to practice. Being in service of your team is difficult, because it involves treating being a leader as not a promotion but as the beginning of a life of service. This is not what attracts many to leadership. We don’t think of ourselves as getting a promotion when we become parents (because we now have less money, not more), but when you have a child you are committing yourself to a life of service to them: looking out for them, sacrificing what you want for what they need, etc. And becoming a leader is the same.
The Danger of Ego
Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps: How to Thrive in Complexity is a great resource for leaders overall, and it outlines the following the Ego Trap:
Trapped by Ego: Shackled to Who You are Now, You Can’t Reach for Who You’ll be Next
The Seduction and Danger of Ego
One of the most interesting of the mindtraps is the way we are trapped by our egos - by ourselves, really. It turns out that the strongest trap is created by the person we are wanting to seem to be to ourselves and to others. We have each cultivated a particular way of being that works for us. We have changed enormously through our lives to grow into this person we are right now. Now we have arrived somewhere and we invest a surprising (and unseen) amount of our energy showing that person to the world and defending them from harm.
The person we want to seem has to be defended from harm. If we don’t think that we were worthy of the promotion to manager, this trap is obvious - we becoming insecure and defend our position to the harm of the team.
The Paths
We might think that as the leader we should have all the answers. But we know that we don’t. So there are two paths forward:
Pretend that you have all the answers.
Acknowledge that you don’t and work with the team.
#1 means that you review everything and create an appearance of superiority by criticizing and micro-managing the work. Down this path is more ego, more control, and a weaker and weaker team. The toxic path.
#2 Means collaboration, humility, and a strong and stronger team. Your role shifts from having the answers to helping guide the search for the right answers. The healthy path.
You might think that the path is hard to walk, but this is because of the paradox of vulnerability (emphasis mine):
In one of the classic mismatches of our human system, our relationship to our own vulnerability is totally different to our relationship to the vulnerabiltiy of others. Sometimes in a workshop or a meeting, a leader will admit to something particularly threatening to his sense of identity. After the leader has admitted this thing that feels so icky to him, he feels terrible about himself. He’ll admit, “Now I feel ashamed and embarrassed, afraid that all of you will have lost your respect for me”.
Others watching, though, have an opposite reaction. They says things like, “Now I’m more admiring, astonished at his courage, wanting to reach out to him, feeling better about myself since I see a piece of my shame in him and I admire him so much” This is the core paradox: we are ashamed of our humanity; other are drawn to us because of it.
If you want to avoid becoming a toxic leader, work on your internal toxicity. Work on your self image, and step forward with courage to lead your team.